{"id":124,"date":"2020-07-01T05:49:54","date_gmt":"2020-07-01T02:49:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/?p=124"},"modified":"2024-10-21T08:39:45","modified_gmt":"2024-10-21T08:39:45","slug":"my-son-looks-beautiful-in-his-sisters-dresses-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/my-son-looks-beautiful-in-his-sisters-dresses-2\/","title":{"rendered":"My Son Looks Beautiful in His Sister’s Dresses"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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How can we teach our children to resist what is wrong in society – while still protecting them? Boys in dresses and girls at demonstrations.<\/em><\/p>

Two and a half-year old Adam likes to wear dresses. Also skirts and pink shirts. They belong to Forat, his six year-old sister, whom he emulates in everything else, too. He watched her twirl around in circles to make her skirt dance, hold wedding ceremonies with Red Teddy Bear as the groom and reign over her queendom in a ball gown and crown she made from colored paper \u2013 and decided that he wanted to get in on the fun.<\/p>

\u201cWhite dress!\u201d he demanded when he came home from daycare, and he raced to the closet to select one of Forat\u2019s dresses. The look of joy on his face as he twirled around was adorable. But then came the dilemma.<\/p>

\u201cSweetheart, let\u2019s wear pants to daycare,\u201d I suggested the following morning.<\/p>

\u201cBiddush!\u201d he answered in his slightly jumbled Arabic. \u201cBiddi Fustani!\u201d \u201cI want my dress,\u201d which in this case was purple with a wide, flowing skirt and a shiny picture of popcorn. It\u2019s hard to blame him. His clothes are in solid colors of red, blue or black, at most with a picture of some dinosaur or tractor, and totally devoid of sequins or fairies.<\/p>

\u201cThe dress is too big for you,\u201d I said, but that wasn\u2019t really the point. I mean, we could have bought a dress in his size. I asked myself: Why not do so?<\/p>

\u201cLet him go to daycare in the dress,\u201d I told Osama. \u201cHis daycare claims to be progressive.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ll bring a pair of shorts for changing,\u201d Osama said.<\/p>

\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIn case he wants.\u201d Meaning, in case the daycare teachers want.<\/p>

Adam\u2019s arrival at daycare was uneventful, and the teachers refrained from commenting on his clothing.\u00a0 We continued to let him wear Forat\u2019s dresses, and he was thrilled. But children and adults \u2013 Palestinians, Israelis and Americans, on the street, in the homes of friends, in video calls with family members – kept raising questions and objections, and I was worried that Adam would sense the negative feedback.<\/p>

\u201cIma, Karam said that boys are not allowed to wear dresses,\u201d Forat reported to me at the playground.<\/p>

\u201cAnd what do you think?\u201d I asked, hoping to incite her to a healthy rebellion against restrictive social norms.<\/p>

\u201cI want Adam to stop taking my Minnie Mouse dress,\u201d Forat answered. \u201cHe spilled ketchup on it.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cForat, yesterday you told me that Miss Nibal said boys can choose pink paper if they like, right? Because everyone should be able to pick the colors they like.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMiss Nibal also said that we are naughty because we didn\u2019t listen to her words, and that she will punish us,\u201d Forat answered.<\/p>

So much for relying on Miss Nibal to challenge conservative notions of educating children. I made a quick U-turn: \u201cYou know that Ima and Baba don\u2019t always agree with Miss Nibal. We think that all the children are good, and if they make mistakes, the teachers should help them correct them.\u201d<\/p>

Forat didn\u2019t miss a beat: \u201cIf you don\u2019t agree, why do you send me to that kindergarten?\u201d<\/p>

Sometimes I feel like most of my conversations with Forat \u2013 and I guess it will be the same with Adam \u2013 are composed of me saying, \u201cThis is how the world is, and Ima and Baba don\u2019t agree.\u201d Why I don\u2019t wear shorts outside the house in Ramallah, why her father can\u2019t come with us to my cousin\u2019s wedding in Tel Aviv, what is a gun and what people do with it. I want to give my children the freedom to be who they want to be. I want them to challenge the flawed world in which they live. And I also want to protect them. How do other parents strike a balance?<\/p>

On Saturday evening, I took the children to a demonstration in Tel Aviv. Forat and Adam loved the noise, music and socially-distanced crowd. Adam, wearing a flattering floral dress, stood on the edge of the fountain in Rabin Square where huge goldfish swam, pointing and screaming: \u201cSamake! Samake!\u201d Fish.<\/p>

The organizers distributed fluorescent stick lights for a minute of silence in memory of Eyad Halaq<\/a>, the Palestinian man with autism who was shot to death by Israeli border guards in Jerusalem. Forat mingled among the demonstrators, who stood on X\u2019s taped to the ground two meters apart, and collected the stick lights they dropped, weaving them into a rainbow.<\/p>

\u201cWho is Eyad Halaq?\u201d she asked.<\/p>

\u201cSomeone who wasn\u2019t treated nicely,\u201d I answered.<\/p>

\"\"
Forat at an anti-occupation demonstration in Tel Aviv. “The occupation is the source of all evil!” Credit: Umm Forat<\/figcaption><\/figure>

When Forat asked what is \u201coccupation,\u201d I told her that it\u2019s when people don\u2019t want to share. We tell Forat that her father, who is Palestinian, can\u2019t cross checkpoints<\/a> because the people standing there have trouble sharing, and that Ima and Baba don\u2019t agree. I added that the demonstrators also disagree with the occupation and are calling for it to end.<\/p>

Forat listened to the chanting and speeches, in Hebrew and Arabic, her eyes wide and alert. At 9 pm I tried to persuade her to get into the stroller, next to her sleepy brother.<\/p>

\u201cIma, is the demonstration over?\u201d she asked.<\/p>

\u201cYes, sweetheart. Everyone is going home, and so are we.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo Baba can come now?\u201d she asked. \u201cTo Tel Aviv with us?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNot yet, sweetheart. It will take time until the people at the checkpoints agree to share.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo then why is everyone going home?\u201d she asked. I felt a surge of pride. Maybe she will insist in the places where we adults have given up too easily.<\/p>

\u201cBecause Baba is waiting for us at home,\u201d I said, and I gave her my hand to help her climb into the stroller.<\/p>

This post was also published on haaretz.com on July 1, 2020:<\/em> https:\/\/www.haaretz.com\/israel-news\/my-son-insists-on-wearing-dresses-in-ramallah-1.8962279<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How can we teach our children to resist what is wrong in society – while still protecting them? Boys in dresses and girls at demonstrations. Two and a half-year old Adam likes to wear dresses. Also skirts and pink shirts. They belong to Forat, his six year-old sister, whom he emulates in everything else, too. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":300,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_crdt_document":"","jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_override_bookmark_settings":[],"jnews_override_counter":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[25,37,41,52,55],"class_list":["post-124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raising-children-to-resist","tag-eyal-halaq","tag-israel","tag-jerusalem","tag-occupation","tag-palestine"],"yoast_head":"\nMy Son Looks Beautiful in His Sister's Dresses - Sari Bashi<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/my-son-looks-beautiful-in-his-sisters-dresses-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Son Looks Beautiful in His Sister's Dresses - Sari Bashi\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How can we teach our children to resist what is wrong in society – while still protecting them? 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