{"id":4566,"date":"2021-11-15T06:08:42","date_gmt":"2021-11-15T04:08:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ummforat.com\/?p=4566"},"modified":"2024-10-21T08:13:43","modified_gmt":"2024-10-21T08:13:43","slug":"missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/","title":{"rendered":"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Ima, tell me a story about a lion that eats Adam,” Forat asked me. She still feels betrayed that I gave birth to her competition.<\/p>\n

The birthday salad<\/strong><\/p>\n

Forat sat at the table, assembling goodie bags for her brother Adam\u2019s birthday party. I had hoped that recruiting her to help with the preparations would mitigate her feelings of jealousy. Her last birthday celebration, a few months after we moved to North Carolina and in the middle of the pandemic, was a modest event compared to the party we planned today.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re giving me too much work!\u201d Forat hurled at me. \u201cYou\u2019re making everything for Adam, cake and pizza, and for my birthday party you \u2026 you \u2026\u201d Her face became enraged with the effort of giving verbal expression to the very worst thing: \u201cOn my birthday, you gave me salad!\u201d She threw the goodie bags on the floor and buried her head in her hands. I tried to suppress my laughter. Her invented memory of a birthday salad seemed particularly painful.<\/p>\n

\u201cSweetheart, for your birthday I made exactly the same cake and pizza,\u201d I said. But she stormed out of the kitchen, slapping Adam on her way out. He dropped the bowl of cake batter he was licking and burst into tears. I hugged him and considered how to respond.<\/p>\n

Sibling rivalry<\/strong><\/p>\n

Forat experienced Adam\u2019s birth \u2013 exactly four years ago \u2013 as a personal betrayal by her father, Osama, and me.\u00a0 In the early years, we had to separate them in order to protect Adam, but with time, Forat learned to express her feelings of hurt and displacement in words. She also learned to console herself with fantasies: Ima, tell me a story about a lion that eats Adam.<\/em> And: Ima, tell me a story, that we go to the grocery store and leave Adam alone in the house and burglars steal him.<\/em> When Adam was six months old, she dialed numbers on her toy phone and made her demand clear: \u201cChildren police? Children police? Take the baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

When the pandemic broke out, their relationship improved significantly. The spring 2020 lockdown in the West Bank was particularly tight, and for two months, the children didn\u2019t leave our apartment in the Ramallah area. Isolated from her friends, Forat discovered Adam\u2019s utility. He fell in love with his talented big sister, who introduced him to new games and represented his interests in tough negotiations with us on sweets and screen time. But since our move to North Carolina, for Osama\u2019s sabbatical, her patience for him has waned.<\/p>\n

I took a deep breath. \u201cForat, what can I do, to help you calm down?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBring me Big Hello Kitty!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s in Ramallah, sweetheart, but we have Little Hello Kitty here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo! I want to go back to Ramallah! I want Big Hello Kitty!\u201d She began to cry, and for a moment I saw her as a very little girl, but also too old for the frequent moves<\/a><\/span> we have imposed on her: five moves, from one continent to another, in her seven years of life. With all her skills of adaptation, she has reached the age at which she needs a stable circle of friends, outside her family.<\/p>\n

\"\"
A rainbow in Ramallah, November 2020. Credit: Umm Forat<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

A solution to the little brother problem<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI also miss Ramallah,\u201d I told her and held her close to me. \u201cBut can you help me? While we\u2019re in North Carolina, do you have ideas for what we could do to make it more pleasant at home?\u201d<\/p>\n

Forat didn\u2019t miss a beat: \u201cGet rid of Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat should we do with him?\u201d I inquired, trying to make space for her fantasy, as a substitute for violence against him.<\/p>\n

\"\"\u201cWhen we go back to Ramallah, we\u2019ll leave him here, with the toys that are too big to fit into the suitcases.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSweetheart, children can\u2019t be left alone. Who would take care of him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJohn!\u201d she said, jumping up with excitement. John is our landlord, a tall, kind man who speaks with a charming Southern accent. \u201cWe\u2019ll leave Adam here in the apartment, with the furniture and the kitchen supplies, and John will take care of him!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe would miss Adam,\u201d I said, trying to dig myself out of the hole I had dug. \u201cAnd you don\u2019t think Adam would be sad, if we went back to Ramallah without him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll ask him,\u201d she said. Before I could stop her, she walked up to Adam with a huge smile on her face. She adopted a cheery, anticipatory tone, as if she were offering him a wonderful surprise: \u201cAdam, when we go back to Ramallah, do you want to stay here in the apartment and play with John?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam returned her smile. \u201cYes!\u201d he said. Adam really likes playing with John.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere you go,\u201d Forat said. \u201cAdam agrees.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was out of ideas. \u201cAnd what should we do in the meantime, while we\u2019re still in the United States?\u201d I asked her.<\/p>\n

\"\"\u201cI\u2019ll keep hitting Adam until you take me back to Ramallah and to Big Hello Kitty,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

For some reason, Adam didn\u2019t protest. He seemed to be enjoying the fact that Forat had defeated me. The two children sat on the floor together and quietly began assembling the goodie bags for Adam\u2019s birthday.<\/p>\n

This post was also published on haaretz.com on November 15, 2021:<\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.haaretz.com\/us-news\/.premium-when-my-daughter-realized-her-hello-kitty-doll-is-still-in-ramallah-1.10386561<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Ima, tell me a story about a lion that eats Adam,” Forat asked me. She still feels betrayed that I gave birth to her competition. The birthday salad Forat sat at the table, assembling goodie bags for her brother Adam\u2019s birthday party. I had hoped that recruiting her to help with the preparations would mitigate […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5088,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_crdt_document":"","jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_override_bookmark_settings":[],"jnews_override_counter":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[38,67,75],"class_list":["post-4566","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fitting-in","tag-israel-palestine","tag-sibling-rivalry","tag-west-bank"],"yoast_head":"\nMissing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry - Sari Bashi<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry - Sari Bashi\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"“Ima, tell me a story about a lion that eats Adam,” Forat asked me. She still feels betrayed that I gave birth to her competition. The birthday salad Forat sat at the table, assembling goodie bags for her brother Adam\u2019s birthday party. I had hoped that recruiting her to help with the preparations would mitigate […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Sari Bashi\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-11-15T04:08:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-10-21T08:13:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"sari.bashi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"sari.bashi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"sari.bashi\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/962062959e5dc3c5a170df154a8b5fef\"},\"headline\":\"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-11-15T04:08:42+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-10-21T08:13:43+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":926,\"commentCount\":7,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/11\\\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Israel\\\/Palestine\",\"sibling rivalry\",\"West Bank\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Fitting In\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/\",\"name\":\"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry - Sari Bashi\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/11\\\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-11-15T04:08:42+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-10-21T08:13:43+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/962062959e5dc3c5a170df154a8b5fef\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/11\\\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2021\\\/11\\\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg\",\"width\":2560,\"height\":1920},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Sari Bashi\",\"description\":\"Award-winning author of Upside-Down Love and the Umm\u00a0Forat\u00a0blog\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/962062959e5dc3c5a170df154a8b5fef\",\"name\":\"sari.bashi\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/24640d543b36b145ed24aa4e624236ddd9f2f57caa415d91be35acfce6fe2c5e?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/24640d543b36b145ed24aa4e624236ddd9f2f57caa415d91be35acfce6fe2c5e?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/24640d543b36b145ed24aa4e624236ddd9f2f57caa415d91be35acfce6fe2c5e?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"sari.bashi\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/localhost\\\/umforat\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ummforat.com\\\/en\\\/author\\\/sari-bashi\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry - Sari Bashi","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry - Sari Bashi","og_description":"“Ima, tell me a story about a lion that eats Adam,” Forat asked me. She still feels betrayed that I gave birth to her competition. The birthday salad Forat sat at the table, assembling goodie bags for her brother Adam\u2019s birthday party. I had hoped that recruiting her to help with the preparations would mitigate […]","og_url":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/","og_site_name":"Sari Bashi","article_published_time":"2021-11-15T04:08:42+00:00","article_modified_time":"2024-10-21T08:13:43+00:00","og_image":[{"width":2560,"height":1920,"url":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"sari.bashi","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"sari.bashi","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/"},"author":{"name":"sari.bashi","@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/#\/schema\/person\/962062959e5dc3c5a170df154a8b5fef"},"headline":"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry","datePublished":"2021-11-15T04:08:42+00:00","dateModified":"2024-10-21T08:13:43+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/"},"wordCount":926,"commentCount":7,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg","keywords":["Israel\/Palestine","sibling rivalry","West Bank"],"articleSection":["Fitting In"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/","url":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/","name":"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry - Sari Bashi","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg","datePublished":"2021-11-15T04:08:42+00:00","dateModified":"2024-10-21T08:13:43+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/#\/schema\/person\/962062959e5dc3c5a170df154a8b5fef"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/nov-2020-ramallah-after-rain-scaled.jpg","width":2560,"height":1920},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/missing-ramallah-managing-sibling-rivalry\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Missing Ramallah, Managing Sibling Rivalry"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/","name":"Sari Bashi","description":"Award-winning author of Upside-Down Love and the Umm\u00a0Forat\u00a0blog","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/#\/schema\/person\/962062959e5dc3c5a170df154a8b5fef","name":"sari.bashi","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/24640d543b36b145ed24aa4e624236ddd9f2f57caa415d91be35acfce6fe2c5e?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/24640d543b36b145ed24aa4e624236ddd9f2f57caa415d91be35acfce6fe2c5e?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/24640d543b36b145ed24aa4e624236ddd9f2f57caa415d91be35acfce6fe2c5e?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"sari.bashi"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/localhost\/umforat"],"url":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/author\/sari-bashi\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4566","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4566"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4566\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5092,"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4566\/revisions\/5092"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5088"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ummforat.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}